Imagine waking up in the morning and not knowing what you are going to feel like, the anticipation of wondering if you are going to be happy, sad, confused on that particular day and whenever you feel sad, it feels like the sadness never goes away. You surround yourself with people and try to laugh the loudest when you are around them because you don’t want them to ask you why you are so quiet or you don’t want them to notice you overthinking and trying not to look strange, because you don’t want to be judged. You don’t want them to feel sorry for you or have to explain yourself because the questions will lead to them asking you, but whats wrong? why do you feel this way? and as you take a deep breath you realise that you cannot answer them because you’ve been asking yourself the exact same question everyday and having to explain, why you don’t know why you can’t feel happy everyday or why you sometimes push people away or say things that will make them stay away.
Honestly whenever I talk or write about mental illness, I feel so emotionally tired because I feel like there’s so much to dissect and educate people about, I feel like people who suffer from mental illnesses have to fight the war and stigma of being misunderstood, fight the war of sometime’s being sidelined, fight the war of trying to get their family and friends to love and stay regardless of the moments when the mental illness takes them to another place. Having to take pills to regulate how you feel, then having to try hard to cope with the pressure of the world is pretty hard if you are at war with yourself because you can’t exactly control how you feel.
Mental illnesses affect anyone, whether you are rich or poor, a celebrity or just an average person. Depression doesn’t discriminate, it doesn’t care if you have a million Twitter followers, fan’s, money or anything you’ve ever wanted, it’s an illness that forces you to see that not everything can be controlled.
When everything spirals out of control and there’s no outlet, people with mental illnesses end up feeling alone or they have a lot of rage and outbursts, it shouldn’t surprise people that celebrities also go through mental illnesses and some of them find a coping mechanism. Kanye West is known for his music, individuality and the way he is outspoken. There’s a lot hidden within lyrics and songs and when you truly study the words! You can tell how an artist was feeling or is feeling and for some reason whenever I listen to ‘Runaway‘ or ‘All Falls Down’ I often wonder if he was trying to evoke certain emotions within us that make us think about how sometime’s you feel like running away from a certain situation, or even from yourself.
“See, I always find
And I always find
Yeah, I always find somethin’ wrong
You been puttin’ up with my shit just way too long
I’m so gifted at findin’ what I don’t like the most”